So. I did it. Again.
The other night I confessed some feelings I’d developed for a friend of mine. A fairly new friend, but someone with whom I’ve become quite close. And like the last time this happened to me, it was totally unplanned, unexpected. I wasn’t, and am not, looking for a relationship. I know she’s not either. We’re in similar situations, coming off the end of a long-term serious relationship (and also a short term “rebound”).
We’ve been enjoying this new friendship — have a ton in common and are extremely comfortable around each other, being able to open up and share pretty much anything. We make each other laugh all the time. I’ve had people who’ve hung around us ask me, “so, is there anything romantic going on there?” Until now the answer has always been “no, I’m just not interested in that. I don’t want a relationship. All I want to do is enjoy what we have without fucking it up with romance.”
It seems inevitable that if a single guy and a single girl get along really well, that eventually one (and I think it’s almost always the guy) will develop feelings for the other. I suppose this is just the natural order of things. It’s hard to turn that switch off, if it’s even possible. The question then becomes, “what next?” Possible choices/outcomes:
- Say nothing. The feelings pass or are transferred to another interest.
- Say nothing. Tension builds. Jealousy enters when someone starts dating someone else. Friendship suffers.
- Say nothing. Tension builds and things just turn weird.
- Say something. Feelings are reciprocated. Romance occurs. Things don’t work out. Friendship ruined.
- Say something. Feelings are reciprocated. Romance occurs. Things work out great.
- Say something. Feelings are reciprocated. However, in a moment of extreme maturity, it’s decided not to pursue anything, but to just acknowledge it. Friendship evolves and moves forward.
- Say something. Feelings are not reciprocated. One feels rejected. Things get weird. Friendship suffers or is ruined.
- Say something. Feelings are not reciprocated. No feeling of rejection because there was no expectation of anything. The dirty laundry is aired. Friendship evolves and moves forward.
I think I was shooting for #6, but got more of an 8. In any case, we’re determined to not let this change things. The friendship means more to me than anything; it’s been a major bright light in my life right now. And I debated whether the best thing would be to shut up or confess. In the end, I chose honesty as the best policy. It was the only way forward that I could see.
So, yes. I confessed. I made it clear that I wasn’t expecting anything in return, that I’m not looking to start a romantic relationship (would I turn it down though if that’s where it went?). Rather than have this tension between us, I wanted it out in the open. I think, although I could be wrong, that it will allow things to progress in a natural manner.
I guess I just have to wait and see.
[Feature image: HAMED MASOUMI]